99. after

After we die,
our parents continue making
grocery lists;
the ones we loved
take long walks in the
forest with their
lovers,
and our friends wonder
how we became
a statistic.

After we die,
the world still moves on;
people, too, keep moving in their
predictable paths.

If I were still
alive, I suppose
I would still be
spinning, rotating.

But I wanted to be
free,
I wanted to create
something.

Stupid thing,
is what I was told
I was
when I still lived,
until I accepted it.
Yes,
I am a stupid thing,
I could do everything but
none of it
right

There was no
funeral.
I lay in the place I
died,
hand outstretched,
eyes gazing at the
mid-day sun.

Finally,
I had the courage to look
straight at the
sun.
People always told us,
don’t look at the sun
directly; it’ll
hurt your
eyes.

But I dared to look,
I tried to live.
Life was simply not
meant for
me.