79. It is a cold day today

I want to be as assured as
Emily.
To say, each day, “This is
who I am;
I am not afraid of existing
alone –
I have something to
say – ”

Me,
I am insecure,
lonely,
vulnerable,
Seeking the empty world
yet disenchanted.
I have grown sick of
these robust, certain paths,

but I do not like wandering:
I would maybe have preferred
never to have encountered the
happy follies,
else I am always watching
out my slanted window,
desiring, yearning
for things that never
satisfy me, only
show me how
different I
am,
and must
be.

78. Stage Fright

Years of security,
self-assurance
vanish in a single moment:
the pre-destined moment arrives
and we are panic-stricken,
paralyzed.

These people are no longer the
friendly folk we have come to know.
They are sharks, and we are
tiny,
tiny,
swallowed up.

But we force ourselves out again,
back into public view.
And by brute force,
overcome our fears,
become ourselves;

and each time becomes
easier and
easier,
until we recover,
and become ourselves once more,
or at least
mostly
so.

77. Training wheels

Training wheels come off today:
waiting, anticipation…
it’s pretty easy in fact;
Dad knows how.

Mom & Dad are supportive;
parking lot of an abandoned
workplace:
Saturdays are for
learning.

Fresh start, they say:
wobbling along on just
2 wheels:
the world is topsy-
turvy
now.

Fall this way,
fall that way:
eventually
we straighten out on our own
path;
then we are finally able to
ride circles
‘round our own parents;

but Mom & Dad
will always watch us
from the sidelines,
cheering, gasping, crying:
always supportive.

until the day
they cannot come to watch us anymore
and then even the wheels we have
come off

and we must learn
everything over
again